


a message from peter parker and harley keener

by orphan_account



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Dissapointed Peter Parker, Gen, Harley Keener is a little shit, Hurt Peter Parker, Memes, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not beta-read, Peter Parker & Harley Keener - Freeform, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker is a Mess, TW: pedos, angry harley keener, bc NO THANKS, crack but important issues that should be talked about!!, just kinda background memes, many many memes, poor kids had to find out about the dark side of AO3, self-aware, serious topic with a light tone, so sorry if it's bad, this is basically harley and pete being disgusted by paedophilic ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22371784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Peter Parker; Spider-Man, son of Tony Stark in denial and recently, YouTuber extraordinaire along with iconic memer Harley Keener finds out about some of the more controversial and honestly gross ships, targeted toward Peter and the numerous adults in his life.teen and up audience reasons: mentions and discussion of pedophilia and swearing. stay safe!
Relationships: NOT FUCKING STARKER, Peter Parker & Harley Keener, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, p l a t o n i c, platonic - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 153





	a message from peter parker and harley keener

**Author's Note:**

> hi! um this was written literally two months ago and i left it to collect dust until now!!! it's basically me venting about pedophilic ships through peter and harley bc,,, yeesh i could talk about those for d a y s. 
> 
> btw, not starker friendly at all. if you like starker, pls re-evaluate your morals (◕-◕✿)

**a message from peter parker and harley keener**

_2.7 million views Jan 23, 20XX_

_305k_ 👍 _420_ 👎

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_[icon]_ Peter 🅱️arker ✔️ 

10.4M subscribers

_Description_

what the actual h*ck

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_subscribe to mr stark uwu:_ [ _https://www.youtube.com/user/TonyStark_ ](https://www.youtube.com/user/TonyStark)

  
  


_subscribe to me if ya want_ _(ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ_

  
  


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As the camera flickers to life, two figures stand beside each other with their hands clasped in front of them, and their legs shoulder-width apart. They both seem to be young and have very disappointed looks on their faces. When the camera comes into focus, the figures are recognizable instantaneously.

Peter Parker sighs dramatically toward the camera, while Harley Keener pats him on the back sadly. Peter unclasps his hands slowly and stares directly at the camera along with Harley.

“I’m very upset that we even had to make this video,” starts Peter.

“But we assume that you disgusting people need to be taught a lesson,” says Harley directly after. It sounds rehearsed.

It’s very faint, but slowly, the _Mii Channel Theme_ starts playing quietly in the background.

“I… I think that’s all we had scripted” laughs Harley awkwardly.

Peter just shakes his head and flops down onto a very expensive leather black couch behind him; Harley follows suit.

“So this is a little storytime thing, ya’ know one of those?” Peter pauses, as if expecting a response from the viewers, then continues, “I have a habit of terrible days starting out fantastically, actually! It’s kinda cool but bad at the same time.”

A feminine voice from behind the camera scoffs a bit, “eloquently put, loser. Get to the point.”

“Right! Right.” Peter nods a bit - he’s definitely stalling now. “So with that knowledge, I needa’ tell you something. Yesterday started out fantastically. And then I went on Archive of Our Own.”

At this comment, Harley and the person behind the camera starts cackling with laughter. Harley bent over laughing, asks, “Why the _hell_ were you on AO3? I didn’t know you out of all people read fanfiction!” Peter blushes furiously at that comment.

“I don’t! It’s just cause of when we found out we had a fandom on Tumblr and I wanted to see where else!” he huffs. Harley nods his head understandingly.

“So out of all places, you went to AO3?”

Peter nods defiantly but then slumps.

“That was my first mistake. But there’s something serious,” Harley snickers a bit, but Peter elbows him, and he scowls, “That I saw on there.”

The Mii Channel music stops, and it is only noticed after it pauses that it had increased in volume since it started.

“There were… Some ships.” Harley opens his mouth to laugh, but Peter stops him, “yeah. I know, I know. It’s trivial. People’ll always ship me with Harley for some reason. that’s not the issue.” He sounds very un-Peter-y. Too serious.

“Some of the ships… Were with people like Mister Rogers or Mister Stark.” Peter makes a disgusted face but keeps going, “not platonically. Some people they… Portray me in a _relationship_ with adults.”

Harley grimaces, “ew, who would wanna date Tony, anyway?” 

“That’s-” Peter sputters a bit, “that’s not the point! It’s pedophilia!” Harley’s smirk drops into a disgusted look.

“What the actual fu-”

Peter cuts off Harley annoyedly, “I don’t want to get demonetized you _Nerf-Gun twat!_ ”

Harley starts cackling at the… interesting insult as Peter crosses his arms indignantly and hides his smile terribly.

“Anyway…” Harley’s still laughing his ass off in the background, “Please think about what you write, the effect on the world and the people mentioned! Because now I'm _very_ uncomfortable!" Peter says with fake enthusiasm. 

Peter looks to Harley expectantly and Harley realizes it’s his cue, “Yeah, what Peter said. Don't be gross n' shi-” the outro cuts off Harley profanities. 

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**Tony Stark** ✔️ 

what the fuck 

👍 _69k_ 👎 REPLY

  
  
  


**SwiftWolfHabits**

peter and harley: * **calls out fanfic writer creeps***

[everybody liked that]

👍 _13k_ 👎 REPLY

  
  


**wooteena**

peter just straight up recorded me reading a fic not knowing it was starker, huh

👍 _2.5k_ 👎 REPLY

  
  


**David123456789**

**THIS** is why we stan

👍 _1.6k_ 👎 REPLY

  
  


**NarratorOfWriters**

on behalf of everyone, thanks, peter!! call! them! out!

  
  


👍 _3k_ 👎 REPLY

  
  


**dippingdots**

no one's gonna mention that the mii channel theme was playing for like half the video???

  
  


👍 _8.3k_ 👎 REPLY

**Shleapord**

ohh no, peter, baby, you found out about the dark side of the fandom ｡:ﾟ(｡ﹷ ‸ ﹷ ✿) we're sorry you had to see them baby boye :(

  
  


👍 2.9 _k_ 👎 REPLY

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**Author's Note:**

> fun fact!! the usernames in the 'comments' aren't random!! one of them is me, one of them is my amazing but nerdy friend and beta-writer @SwiftWolfHabits and all the rest are some of the beautiful commenters on my other fics!! love yall   
> (✿˵◕ ɜ◕˵)  
> anyway, pls hydrate and remember to take a break from ur screen every hour bc u gotta take care of urself!!


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